DEM OPPOSITION #2 Middlesbrough…

Gibson Vs Chansiri:

how to spunk money and alienate people

To paraphrase the prophet, Chris Wilder, the transfer window has become a psyche-warfare operation, whereby one owner (such as Steve Gibson of Boro) manipulates another club, to ‘spunk’ their chairman’s money away on reserve team players. Whilst the sage Wilder has steered clear of these antics, let’s analyse who has been caught up in the net and how the Boro owners trickle-out-can economics works.

Gibson, once Middleborough’s youngest Labour Councilor at 12[1] which is one-third of his town’s life expectancy[2], has successfully upturned the fortunes of his club. His canny dealings have helped him raise Boro up, from a small club north of Whitby to a small club south of Hartlepool.

He’s quietly bamboozled other teams into spunking excess money on Boro’s reserve players. To his credit and to the satisfaction of DEM BLADES’ fans, this is most notable in the example of fish magnet, spunk magnate and DEM PIGS chairman, Dejphon Chansiri.

Gibson’s savviness has seen Chancery invest in Adam Reach and Jordan Rhodes, to the tuna fifteen-million pounds. Chances are – just maybe – this was an inflated price. Gibson knew that from the off. But, in the case of Rhodes, nine goals in two seasons was a strong enough CV to convince Shacery that £10m could provide competition to Atdhe New-Hugh’s 0.13 goals-per-game ratio [3]

DEM PIGS manager, Ricard Carvahlo, has drained the can and it has become clear to him and the fans, that the tin-half-full approach isn’t working. Gibson’s conned them. Whilst they’ve seen plenty of Reach around, Jordan Rhodes (if sources at Boro are to be believed) ensured he went missing during the promotion run-in at the end of last season and was a fish out of water in their opening day defeat to Preston.

2-4-£15m but the undiscerning Chassenry and Carvahl-ialyoh failed to properly scrutinise their price-per-unit in this division. Sadly for them and DEM PIGS fans, even if you squeeze out every last drop, they are both mostly brine.

That’s what Gibson does. He’s brainy: mackerel not tuna. Then, like Keyser Söze, he’s gone. Leaving opposing chairmen, managers and fans with a distinctly salty, and sometimes fishy, aftertaste. A working class hero.

NEWSFLASH – Is it possible Chansire will let this happen again?

Rumours abound that Chansoire will lodge an outlandish bid for Boro centre half and local-lad, Dael Fry. It’s thought the bid is unlikely to be successful because Steve Gibson is intent on ensuring that Fry, whose paternal ancestry created local delicacy The Parmo, keeps a community thread running through the squad.

If he doesn’t play against DEM BLADES this weekend, then the touted £35 million bid, may have been accepted. If not, expect a speedy, footballing centre-back with a proclivity for breadcrumbs, bechamel, chicken and cheese; definitely one to wash for Saturday.

Prediction

Boro ‘A’ 1 – 1 DEM BLADES

 

[1] Wikipedia

[2] Hearsay (Pure and Simple: 2001)

[3] Maths

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