Team – Derby Carnt-he F.C Nickname – The Rams
An experienced Championship team, a squad costing upwards of £30 million and a busy away contingent with an accent more annoying than Don Cheadle in any film playing a Brit; you can see why DEM BLADES might’ve been nervous.
But despite the cost of the squad, the La Liga experience and the Ram’s distressing cadence, the game started like most football matches do, with 11 vs 11. Money can’t buy an advantage, but Billy Sharp can.
DEM 90 MINUTES
It’s funny what money can buy you: Scott Carson, a keeper that has demonstrated his inability to kick a ball on the highest stage, passed it straight to Billy Sharp for one-nil. Johnny Russell, the man with a name the means ‘to round up sheep,’ certainly did not steal any limelight when drilling the ball into his own net on the edge of the box.
2-0 at half time and the identity of the Ram’s weak-link had become evident. The midfield. They only played one midfielder, Tom Huddlestone, who is a fantastic player for this league. He picks up the ball from the goalkeeper and, unlike Paul Coutts who looks to get forward, he coolly slots the ball back to a centre half. Then, he receives the ball again and finds, in his most attacking moments, a full-back.
This continued in the second half. The Ram’s had more of the ball, DEM BLADES had more of the chances and should’ve killed the game off, Sharp and Evans missing key opportunities. Eventually, Derby pulled one back courtesy of a substitute (that wasn’t the one that did a s**t impression of Cristiano Ronaldo: Lawrence?). But, as the game came to a close, Scott Carson surged up the field and left Billy Sharp with an open net, once released down the left wing: 3-1, a deserved and easy victory.
An interesting aside, two ex-Ram’s players started the games for DEM BLADES: Paul Coutts (peace be upon him) and Kieron Freeman. They refused before the game, but Derby fans will surely now pay homage to Paul Coutts, the latter day Jesus Christ. Devine and incisive throughout the 90 minutes; kind and forgiving. On the final whistle, he could be heard praying for the opposition.
“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
And lo, Chris Wilder forgave them.
DEM AWAY FANS
The Rams are better of chewing the cud than the fat. Particularly if you judge them by their account of the game. One blogger wrote, “Sheffield United are really poor.” Let’s scrutinise the teenager’s remark:
‘Poor’ as in deficient or inadequate.
We won 3-1, did we not?
‘Poor’ as in miserable or downtrodden?
Didn’t you pay actual money for Johnny Russell and Scott Carson?
‘Poor’ as in poverty, or as the World Health Organsition (‘oo) define it, as existing on a relative scale?
I would agree with ‘oo, if I were a Ram, which I am not. But if I was, I would feel the sliding scale of poverty between the Rams and DEM BLADES. Poverty of coaching, poverty of ambition, poverty of effort, poverty of motivation. Perhaps even, if Derby languish in this league for much longer, absolute poverty. I think Derby Carnt-he are poor. Poor losers, poor sports and a football club, that is poorly run by a conceited, self-obsessed Chairman, who is a poor judge of managers.
DEM BLADES can be happy with the first five games of this explosive La Liga season. 9 points, a free-scoring Billy Sharp. DEM PIGS floundering. Paul Coutts’ celestial wizardry. To that end, let’s hope he uses divine intervention to ensure we can convert a few more players to the DEM BLADES before the transfer window closes.
Onwards, upwards, UTB.
I said it, Coutts. There it is.