POST MATCH #9 Wolfs F.C

After tenderising the pork, in much the same way that Carlos Carvahlihoo tenderises £20 notes and mangles his own career, DEM BLADES faced a challenging home game against Wolfs.

DEM OPPOSITION

Wolferhampton is situated in the West Middlings, Birmingham, England. The population is almost twice that of Doncaster, but the town only enjoys half of Doncaster’s sites of natural beauty.

The locals – or Cubs – refer to their locality as the Black County due to their historical proclivity toward black tar heroin. In local folklore, or as they pronounce it, laawkal fawlkloaare, a young cub was said to have eaten some of the sticky black, which turned him into a great footballer that looked like a Bull.

The Wolfs have all but lost that history. Owned by a consortium called Foursome, their current chairman has been given his own affectionate nickname. Can you imagine if we called our owner McCabesy? Well, the chairman of Wolfs is called Jeffsey and despite overseeing some big money signings, their first team squad still lacks a player of Leon Clarke’s calibre. Having paid well over the M.R.E[1] for Ruben Sandwich, I have to say that Jeffsey should take some time to reconsider their financial approach.

DEM 90 MINUTES

Wolfs looked confident in the opening exchanges, like Brentford but with no cutting edge. But after Ex-Blade and apparently current Blade, Conor Coady was sent off for pulling down Leon Clarke on the edge of the box, DEM BLADES took control.

They tried a few too many short corners for my liking and at times – dare I say it – overplayed, but DEM BLADES knocked and knocked on the door, they huffed and they puffed and John Ruddy did his best to prevent them from getting in.

But in a cruel irony, Leon Clarke was the Big Bad Wolf that blew their house down, after a cracking cross from Enda Stevens he slid in and gave DEM BLADES the goal advantage. But “Tin Pot” Clarke’s goal was to be the sourdough layer that provided a bed for a cabbagey-corned-beef-quality penalty appeal, which the referee saw fit to award. Up stepped £15 million Wolfs player, Reuben Sandwich, who found the post with the outside of the crust.

Drama, but it would have been an undeserved equaliser and who the flipping heck likes open sandwiches? Not Leon Clarke that’s for sure. He topped it off by nodding in a second goal, making it 4 in 2 (a sign?) and completing a handsome hipster butty bonanza.

DEM BLADES

I don’t want to tempt fate, but the football gods have been kind this season and I think we’ll stay up. (Me, 2017)

DEM BLADES have proven categorically that La Liga is less La Liga than it is the Championship, Divison One or, in an archaic parlance, the Second Division. Let’s face it, if there’s one league that we are expert in, it is this one.

Maybe that’s a tiny part of our nominal advantage, Chris Wilder is learning from others mistakes instead of making them himself. £15 million on a player? £15 million on two players? In the Championship – really? I think I am correct in suggesting that Newcastle United are the only club in history to have signed a player in the Championship for upwards of £15 million and got promoted. Perhaps that doesn’t say very much.

But spunking money willy-nilly says to me that a club has no clear direction of travel. In the short term, £15 million cannot even buy a sense of team cohesion, which is astonishing seeing as Chris Wilder can provide that service for free.

Another win, another clean sheet and DEM BLADES march on.

 

Man of’t Match

Leon Clarke – yet again. I just hope he retires at the top of his game with DEM BLADES because it’s nailed on that he’d score against if we were ever to be a former club.

 

 

NOTES:

[1] M.R.E or Middlesbrough Reserve Equivalent is a term used in Association Football to describe the historic overspend by Sheffield Wednesday Football Club on two Middlesbrough reserve players, Jordy Chodes and Adam Reach, to the tuna £15 million.

DEM BLADES entire square cost 0.2 M.R.E

Or

The M.R.E of Ruben Sandwich is 1.001 M.R.E

 

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