Postmatch #10 Notts Forrest

DEM BLADES visited the concrete jungle to take on a Notts side that had failed to win in three consecutive home games. On paper, this was the weakest side that we have played over the last six games but we’ve learned that no game is played on paper and despite a good all-around performance, DEM BLADES were tied up in Notts. 


Thickets and greenery saturate areas of woodland known as a forest; if it wasn’t for the corrugated iron, chipping paintwork, broken glass and broken dreams, then I would never have known that the City Ground isn’t situated in an actual forest. I’m unsure why they adopted the ‘forest’ moniker, but if the area outside the stadium is a forest, then so is the entirety of the city of Notts.

Not being the brightest fairies in the forest, the locals lack the basic enunciation skills to communicate with anyone other than themselves. So jarring is their language that, if you were to overhear a conversation, it can actually make you quite sick. If you are eating breakfast, or indeed any meal of the day, you might be best off skipping to the next paragraph. (I warned you) Words such as tube become tooobe and coupon becomes coupen, mine becomes mayan, told becomes toad. It is repellent and I am embarrassed and ashamed of losing to Notts Forest, not in a footballing sense, but because the sound of their gloating is a sickening assault on hearing.

To counter my annoyance at Notts beating DEM BLADES, I have a trump card that I am going to use now, slightly prematurely: ahahahahhaahahahhhah-hehe-hahahah-he-ha-ha-hahahah-oh-my-feckin-god-hahaha. Notts Forest, one day Nigel Clough is going to be your manager. GUTTED.


Unfortunately, Clough wasn’t the manager this weekend, he was too busy losing 0-4 to Wolves (always protect the point eh?). Instead, Mark Warburton and his Notts players had us on toast with some superb defending as, yet again, DEM BLADES dominated another La Liga tie.

Enda Stevens put the ball on a plate for John Lundstram, a surprise inclusion, who made it 0-1 in the opening exchanges. DEM BLADES were as good at the top end of the pitch as they were bad in their own box, poor defending let the side down as John Fleck’s sickening clearance put the ball in the path of an opposition player who equalised and put DEM BLADES onto the thinnest of thin slice. Thin slices burn quickly: fifteen minutes and some soft defending later, Forest scored again.

DEM BLADES will be disappointed not to take anything from the game, which could’ve easily been a draw. Carter-Vickers hitting the post was one of the better chances as DEM BLADES searched for an equaliser – ultimately it wasn’t to be. Warburton will be toasting an almost deserved victory and Wilder will have two weeks to scrape away the burnt bits before Mick McCarthy’s Ipswich visit Bramall Lane.



Some of DEM BLADES watched the match on bean bags at Bramall Lane, I was one of them. I was sat between two groups of moaners who knew absolutely nothing about football, which I can get over. But they shouted and vented their nothingness to each other at an obnoxious volume, which I couldn’t get over. I didn’t respond when one of the blokes said “it’s an absolute joke” or when his mate said “the f*** is he playing this lump for,” but I was half-tempted to explain to them that the manager couldn’t hear them because he was busy doing managing in Notts.

Perhaps Wilder made one too many changes, Leon Clarke was definitely unfortunate to miss out. Equally, he played John Lundstram who scored – highs and lows. Despite the groans of my neighbours in the ground, I thought DEM BLADES looked dangerous throughout and realistically, we’re going to lose games because we disagree with drawing.

I did try and explain this to the lads nearby, but they were too busy checking their fourteen-fold accumulators to notice and so, I also didn’t bother explaining that if you bet £5 on a 1,324/1 bet, then it means you lose five pounds.  Despite the fact that the bean bag was littered with the occasional ball bag, I am delighted with DEM BLADES position in the table and am oddly looking forward to the international break.


Man of the Match

Paul Coutts 







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