Team: Queens Park Rangers F.C Nickname: The Oops
by Steve Mackan (Ba, Ma, Badminton Park Championship (Singles) Runner-up, 1996.)
The wheels are well and truly off in Sheffield Two. The performance was poor, it was the third time this season that managerial changes have not had the desired effect and we only find ourselves in third place in La Liga, averaging two points per game.
It was a horrible game and now we look over the edge of a high, dark and terrifying cliff. There is only one way to look now, and that is down. Congratulations to The Oops who maintain their one-point gap over DEM PIGS, who have climbed to fourteenth in the table.
Nobody watches QPR on TV or in person, so there were almost no accurate records about the club to research and their manager’s recent press conferences were all I could bear to watch.
The Oops manager, Ian Holloway, spent time and oxygen ranting about The F.A and defending Gareth South-Gate. The more I hear from this man, the more I’d like to personally throw Ian in HMP Holloway. Some people might say, “But you can’t throw him in there because Holloway was closed down years ago and it was for women anyway.”
Those people would be correct, but the empty building is not too far from Loftus Road and, I ask you, would you wish Ian’s gobshite vomologue on your very worst enemy? If not, then the rows of empty cells are the perfect home for the bullshitting shit head. Off the top of my head, the only people that would deserve to be left in an empty prison with Ian’s relentless yammering is Richard Madeley…maybe a Kardashian or two…and that team Geese-celebration that we did under Adkins.
DEM 90 MINUTES
Both teams spent the opening exchanges playing aggressive defensive football. It turned out that DEM BLADES defence was so aggressive it tipped our goalkeeper, Jamal Blackman, into an awkward fall where the ball squeezed out of his grip and into the path of an opposition player who scored.
The rest of the game was like watching Ian Holloway launch a scathing attack on the F.A, bloody tiresome. For the majority of the first half, the linesman in the opponents half was, frankly, a bit of a dick. David Brooks was clearly fouled twice and he did nothing but stand and look pleased with himself. I found myself grinding my teeth in frustration at the lack of flag waving. If it wasn’t racism, it was surely Brooksism and that, I cannot abide.
Jack O’Connell and Leon Clarke missed very good chances, but it’s better not to waste time and energy discussing what else occurred: we were poor, they were poor, though I’d concede that they pressed us with the ferocity that we normally do, and we couldn’t handle it.
The linesman and the referee conspired to give David Brooks a yellow card after he was fouled. QPRs‘ Josh Scowen threw himself to the floor after a tangle where he fouled David Brooks. He stayed down for a full two minutes and received an ice-pack to the side of his temple….then we lost.
DEM BLADES underachieved, underperformed and were largely unrecognisable. Unrecognisable like the profile pictures of the fake Twitter accounts made by G-Sync to discredit Kev Engage’s Hotel, The Minor House. Word has it, that G-Sync has created over one-hundred fake accounts to bombard Kev with nasty messages and poor reviews.
Rumours have been circulating that friction between Engage and Sync has gotten out of hand. What started as a lighthearted discussion about Breaksit, escalated when Engage argued that G-Sync should’ve named his bar Maggie Duncan-Smith’s instead of Maggie May’s. The pair have yet to speak following the incident and the Minor House has since been on the receiving end of a speight of foundationless bad reviews on social media…who’s responsible? I’ll let you decide.
Man of the Match
Billy Sharp for giving Josh Scowen a little kick whilst he was down and keeping his cool sufficiently not to give him a big kick.
Oops, I did it again and forgot to any analysis. Next time…