Post-match: Ull City F.C

Normal service resumes: DEM BLADES take three points, Wilder makes an opposition manager (Slutsky) look like a tart and Gary Sinclair, in all his Dad-dancing glory, returned as the match announcer.

Boy, did the likes of Duffy play better knowing he’d leave the field of play with a “well done Duff.” The match was won 4-1 and I, for one, am very pleased that DEM BLADES are in 2nd place.  

DEM OPPOSITION

Kingston upon Ull is a city close to the sea and home to The Deep, which describes itself as “one of the best aquariums in the U.K,” and I won’t argue with that. Jelly-type, invertebrate creatures somehow make it into Ull starting XI, so you the deep connections between the Tigers and the life aquatic.

Sheffield is not like Ull. For one, Sheffield is home to one football club that is not controlled by egotistical zealots, and for two, it is further away from the seaside than any other British major city. Perhaps this is why the Tigers looked like fish out of water in another roller-coaster demolition derby.

 

DEM 90 MINUTES

It was a shaky first half and despite the guilt edge opportunities that were excellently saved by Ull’s goalkeeper, DEM BLADES fell behind. Ull’s talismanic winger, Greg Rusedski, cut inside from the left wing and served up an unstoppable 25-yard strike, which Simon Moore should’ve stopped.

Ull were quite effective at negating our play, they passed the ball amongst the centre-backs and then hoofed the ball up front. A tactical masterstroke by Slutsky. The second half was a different story,  slut by name, slut by nature: the Tigers were more readily prepared to be rolled over. Other than the odd dangerous counter and the sparing dribble by Greg Rusedski, Ull were unable to stop DEM BLADES who came through the game, set and match.

People will be wanting to hear about Leon Clarke, but haven’t we heard enough already? I think it is more important that, on the crest of this wave, we turn our attention to the negative aspects of our performance. There is an outlier that that leaps out.

 

Moore was poor.

Hoof. I’m not happy with the goalkeeper today. I’m no reactionary, but I thought he was poor in his first game back, particularly as he was shouting so loud that it almost deafened me. It was deeply disappointing to see Simon Moore go route-one for Leon Clarke’s fourth goal, but I must concede that DEM BLADES weren’t half bad.

 

DEM BLADES

Before the season began, DEM PIGS were laughing at our strikeforce. In fact, I heard many of DEM BLADES fans suggesting that Leon Clarke would be nothing but a squad player, but he’s proved himself more quad than squad.

Yes, Leon Clarke is now DEM BLADES top scorer and the first man to score four in a game since Keith Edwards. But can we expect the same future for Leon as has come to pass for Edwards? In twenty years time, will it be Leon Clarke talking over the top of the commentator and name-dropping his favourite golf course?

Will it be Leon Clarke expert punditry on Radio Sheffield? In the desolate nuclear wasteland of the post-Trump, post-Brexit world, anything could happen – you never know, it could Leon Clarke waxing lyrical when a cyborg-Sean-Bean scores the winning goal in the Champions League against a team of three-eyed, six-fingered weirdos. Well, suggesting Barnsley might get to a Champions League final is perhaps a step too far…

But anyhow, second place and the second international break: time to kick back and watch South-Gate play out in front of eyes, all the time being grateful to our Lord Chris Wilder and, as always to his prophet and man of the match…

Man of the Match

After Gary Sinclair put democracy to one side and prompted DEM BLADES to vote for Leon Clarke as man of the match, it means I have no guilt in awarding the honour to Paul Coutts once again. Well done Couttsinho, at least I think that’s what G-Sync calls him.

 

DEM PIGS

Let’s take a second to acknowledge DEM PIGS and their great win against Aston Villa. Jordy Chodes and Adam Reach have finally justified their £15 billion pound price tag by scoring a goal each. Well done DJ Chansoire and well done Ricardo Carvahlo for negotiating your way through that negative patch, I can only hope that you are still the manager comes January.

 

 

 

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