POST-MATCH: Sunnerland

Last time out DEM BLADES drew 2-2 with Aston Vile who are managed by a chubby Geordie called Wiggum. I’ve never liked Geordies and so I was doubly concerned with the prospect of facing the Sunnerland Geordies, but I needn’t have been…

DEM OPPOSITION

In Chris Coleman, Sunnerland have appointed a small man who has never cut the mustard at club level before. I’m not sure that Coleman can carry the weight of expectation on his little shoulders, even if that expectation is simply to avoid relegation. Let’s not forget that the super-tanned Chris Coleman has never been able to keep his Goldmember in his pants, so I’m not quite sure how the Sunnerland board expect him to keep the Geordies in the Championship.

DEM 90 MINUTES

Coleman made mistakes from the off. He left Donald Love and Luke Steel on the bench and predictably the Geordies showed nothing by the way of enthusiasm and passion, nor grit and determination. Had Sunnerland not performed some impressive throw-ins at the beginning of the second half, then I might’ve said that they were the worst team I can remember in years.  They did do some throw-ins; lovely throw-ins that were in equal parts clever and intricate and that raises them up to be the worst team that I have seen this season. That’s the best I can say about them.

In recent weeks there has been far too little negativity around Bramall Lane despite poor form and some poor performances. However, like Christmas Dinner the day before, it was meat and drink for  DEM BLADES who overcame the overwhelming positivity with ease. The first goal came when Mark Duffy dribbled into the box and found John Lundstram who opened the scoring with an un-Coutts-like finish (he’s not even Paul Coutts!!).

The second and third goals came in the second-half. Duffy centred a freekick and the ball was headed into the back of the net by Richard Stearman (where’s Jake Wright!?), who selfishly defied his critics by scoring and aiding DEM BLADES chances of taking all three points. Then George Baldock, who can barely defend, luckily headed in a Jack O’Connell’s  (overrated) rubbish cross.

At 0-3 down in the sixty-seventh minute, the Sunnerland manager desperately substituted Gooch – is this what it means to be so close to the bottom? The substitutions were ineffective and without Gooch the throw-ins were shitter.  When the final whistle blew Chris Coleman was left scratching his head.  Whether this was due to the inept performance or whether he’s caught another STI is one for the analysts to discuss, nevertheless, Sunnerland are looking over their shoulder at League One and DEM BLADES, back in winning form, should always remember how good it used to be when we were as terrible as Sunnerland.

DEM BLADES 

Three points greeted DEM BLADES like a friend that you haven’t seen in a long time, with a tired and a slightly awkward joke – a bit like this blog. The tired and awkward jokes were thick and fast in the Mackan household after arriving home from Bramall Lane, as were the in-laws, who were dreadful at Trivial Pursuit but incredibly quick at drinking all my booze. Next year I hope we’re away from home.

Notes to self: Tips for Boxing Day 2018

1. If you have in-laws visiting who are not fans of DEM BLADES, then you can explain 2 options to them: 1) “Get your coats on! I’m off to Bramall Lane and I’m turning the heating down to 14 degrees.” 2) “If you don’t like the first option, then I’m sure there will be some leftovers at your house.”

2. Don’t allow the mother-in-law to catch you drinking Red wine from the bottle. It only takes a second; pour it into a glass and offer her a top up – if you’re lucky, she’ll nod off.

3. If/when DEM BLADES lose, you should have plenty of booze stocked up at home. Keep that in mind and take full advantage as soon as you are back. Don’t spend any more time with family unless it’s totally necessary. Seeing off a bottle of Brandy and half a bottle of Port should do the trick.

4. If/when DEM BLADES win, you should have plenty of booze stocked up at home. Keep that in mind and take full advantage as soon as you are back, at least you can feel happy spending some time with the family. Seeing off a bottle of Brandy and half a bottle of Port should do the trick. Be sure to whisper “Dem Blades” in the ear of your significant other, this is sure to make him/her/X feel the Christmas spirit (and the Port on your breath.)

 

Man of the Match:

Paul Coutts

 

 

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